● There will be webs for the wealthy and webs for the poor – with
corresponding quality of content.
● Everyone will own a 14" ruler.
● The position of "Systems Administrator" will go back to being a part-time one.
● America will become completely Balkanized, and politics & economics will become
strictly local phenomena.
● The culture and allure of Death will become more popular, as the cost
of medical care recedes beyond the reach of all but the filthy rich. The
common home décor will be right out of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre".
● You will be able to fly anywhere you want to without going through
Atlanta or Chicago.
● Photographic prints will move (very soon).
● The dead will not come to life, nor will the living.
● More than 5 will equal "many".
● The land will become a lot flatter and windier.
● PC speakers will go back to being little 1/2" squeakers, inside the
computer case – like they ought to be.
● We’ll have a rough go of it when our solar system passes through a
dustier part of the galaxy (any day now).
● Kid’s video games will become so violent, that the players’ heads will
simply explode. (Dare we hope?)
● Dogs and cats will work it out.
● 99 and a half just won’t do.
● Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists and Hindus will meet in an
ecumenical council, where they will agree to disagree – to the death.
Southern Baptists will volunteer to supply the weapons.
● Military Intelligence may cease to be an oxymoron.
● Daylight Savings Time will be apprehended, charged, convicted and
incarcerated for life.
● A statue dedicated to Andy Rooney will be erected at the South Pole.
● Florida will secede, break off the continent, and become a funny
dong-shaped island in the Caribbean.
● Canada, rolling in the profits of cheap drug sales to the U.S., will
buy Maine. There will be little resistance to the transaction.
● The happy-face symbol will finally be declared illegal. The Dali Lama,
holding most of the supply, will go bankrupt.
● Cars will look more and more like mobile Mongolian yurts. In
particular, Pontiacs will continue to make you want to snigger into your
palm when you see one.
● China will have all the goodies, and won’t be willing to share them.
America won’t have the moral basis to complain. What goes around, comes
● Print will disappear, as the last Loblolly Pine is felled in Sumter
County, South Carolina. The President will declare, "Well, most print ain’t
worth the paper it’s printed on anyway." He is judged to be largely correct.
● Fish will disappear from our menus, once the Norwegians have fished
them all out. Starving, the Norwegians will plead for food from the Swedes, with the
expected outcome: Too bad, how sad!
● The color green will be determined by scientists to be wrong. Most
laymen will agree.
● The promise of Nanotechnology will go bust, as the nanites, smarter
than they are supposed to be, will refuse to eat sludge.
● Past performance will continue to be no guarantee of future results.
That will not keep investors from continuing to perform fiscal masturbation. Economic
bubbles will continue to burst, coincident with investment orgasms. The
little man will continue to suffer from this, while the rich guys will walk away
with yet more of our loot. It goes on and on and on…
● Ducts, vents and hoses will take on a brand new meaning.
● Plenty of people will wonder why they have to take crap every day.
(This is not a particularly difficult prognostication to make.)
● "Giggle balls" will rule. Do you have one? Go to the pet store and get
● Quantum computers will be developed, and they will know the answers
before you key in the questions. We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
● The painting on the wall can be anything you want it to be. Choose
● Twenty-five or six-two-four will get you what you need.
● The danger of large asteroid hits on the earth will recede as the
horror of being contaminated by our atmospheric pollution causes them to
divert from our path. This will also provide a key for scientists to
understand why the Universe is expanding.
● DNA, for yucks, will uncoil.
● There will be monsters out there.
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